I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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