I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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