Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
