please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
