Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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