I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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