Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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