Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
