I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
