YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
