why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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