Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
