it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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