In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
