I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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