The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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