That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
