i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
