never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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