Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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