Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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