just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
