Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
