The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
