I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
do herpes really smell.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
