Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
