I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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