He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
