I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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