I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize