we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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