i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
