So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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