Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
