He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
