I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
