im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize