The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
