Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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