I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
