you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
