So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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