What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize