Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize