I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
