Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
