I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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