hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
