I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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