I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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