Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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