her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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