she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
