High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
