Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
