Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
