I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
