i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
