i think my tv is drunk
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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