Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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