She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
