But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
