Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
