Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize