I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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