I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
